Insomnia Dreams - Original Oil Painting

"Insomnia Dreams" is a rare example of three pigments used to complete a composition while meditating on this phrase while painting. For years during topical steroid withdrawal, my circadian rhythm was opposite. Grocery shopping at 10pm was my social activity. Watching documentaries became a hobby. When I tried to sleep, if my brain was not chasing the last glimmer of stimuli, it was fighting overwhelming bone-deep sensation of itching. My body would battle what we call "zingers" in the TSW community. Essentially, it feels like both your skin internally is on fire or boiling, and ants are crawling across the top simultaneously. Between the full-body shedding, the "zingers", and the other dark physical realities that arose from this condition, taking things like melatonin, Benadryl, lavender essential oil, and prayer helped me find rest. Early in the withdrawal, the skin was so raw that I was couch-ridden for six to nine months, unable to turn my head or lift a coffee pot. This piece acknowledges these moments of deep suffering, isolation, depression, and the dreams that lay bound waiting to be released. 

-- Further Backstory -- 

This abstract collection was born after enduring six years of topical steroid addiction and withdrawal syndrome, which was so severe that it prevented me from painting that entire time. When I sat down to create for the first time, I wanted to paint impressionist landscapes, and other light hearted subjects like horses, which had always captured my attention. Instead, I was hit with with "what could have been" and "what should have been" both as an artist, and personally. Where would I be if I had those six years to hone my skills?

This series began the abstract section in my portfolio, and the choice of pigments was intentional. Working with the raw nature of the canvas as the white source, I used a medium and one or two pigments throughout this collection while creating a texture which commemorated the broken, fissured skin I experienced in this season. Grief was unexpected. Yet, as the emotions swelled, I would take a word or phrase and meditate on it while painting. This became the title for each work in the abstract collection.


Important Note: If purchased, the painting will be available at the CCA Gallery location. 
111 W Main St #135, Carmel, IN 46032
Shipping is available within the continental U.S. for an additional fee.

24"x24"x1.5" 
Oil on Canvas
July 2023